I stand there, on the sidewalk, trying to reason with a barely-two-year-old, knowing that I’m wasting my time and energy, and only getting more annoyed with a child who is unable to adequately express herself, has no concept of time or space, and just wants to be picked up. Oh, and some nosy lady is staring at us from across the street as I curse under my breath.
I should honestly know better at this point that trying to rationalize anything with a toddler is futile. But they’re tricky little buggers! They make you believe that they have a clue of the world around them by making demands and decisions, understanding nearly everything you ask them to do (that is, if they aren’t being defiant devils), and manipulating your life with their chrining and indecisiveness.
Making matters worse, is that their grasp of the oh-so-important concepts of “Yes” and “No” is rudimentary at best; the two words are basically interchangeable with one meaning the other more times than not. She could have poop marinating in her pants, I can smell the poop, and she’ll still affirmatively respond “No” when asked if she has poop, yet simultaneously tell us she has poop. Confused? Welcome to our life!
Which brings me back to the sidewalk. I used to really enjoy walks with her, mainly because she wasn’t walking, and was content with sitting in her stroller. Now, while I still enjoy them for the most part, mainly because we get out of the house, they are not nearly as easy as they should be. She will say she wants to go on a walk, but what that really means is, “I want to go on a walk/I want to ride in my bike (she can’t pedal yet) but I only want to walk/ride until the end of the driveway and then I’m going to have a meltdown in the middle of the street until you pick me up and carry me the rest of the way and simultaneously push an empty stroller/tricycle that I said I wanted in the first place.”
I swear I’m clinically insane, because I fall for the same sick joke again, and again, and again, each time thinking it will be different and she will actually want to walk/ride the entire way. And then each time finding myself trying to explain to a whining toddler that I’m not carrying her, when she damn well knows that I will carry her because I don’t want anyone calling the cops, and I have no patience to negotiate a peace treaty a block from the house.
Then the parental second-guessing creeps in. What message am I sending her that she can throw a tantrum and get her way? Can this even be considered a tantrum (I’ve seen her real tantrums)? Am I being too lenient? Too soft? Does this mean she will start doing this in other public places? Or, am I just figuring out how to survive the next 20 minutes? Will she even remember what she did and how I reacted? I could stand my ground, but what good does that do? Endless questions, never any answers.
Parents are their own worst enemies. We judge ourselves harder than we judge others. We compare our techniques to those of other parents or experts. And we constantly forget that nobody has a clue what they’re doing.
Let’s be real, we are all trying to avoid the next free trip to Tantrumville or tour of Whine Country, by any means necessary. If that means a pancake for dinner, fine. If that means I pick you up with you really should be walking, fine. And if it means watching an extra episode of Dora, I’ll concede. Please, just give me a few minutes of silence (or at least contentment), so I can count to ten and not blow a gasket.
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